"Wait, What?" – Listening Practice

 

Mrs. Kruthers, welcome. Come on in, have a seat.

Of course.

I have been looking over your resume and I have to say I am very impressed.

Oh, thank you.

You know, actually I think, to be honest, you are overqualified to be an accountant.

Oh well, that's okay. I don't intend to work very hard.

Really?

Absolutely! In fact, I only intend to show up when I feel like it;...

...which is good because I've a wide variety of extremely annoying personal habits and absolutely no sense of hygiene.

Oh! You know, then I don't feel like you're the correct person for this position.

That's okay, I quit.

You can't quit, you don't work here.

Like, I would ever work here.

Like, we would ever hire you.

Oh yeah?

Yeah. And even if you did work here I wouldn't even give you the opportunity to quit because I would fire you.

Well, you can't fire me because I don't work here.

That's right! You don't, and I would can your ass so quick.

Prove it.

Okay. You've got the job.

Thank you.

You're welcome and now it is my pleasure to inform you that...

I quit.

You can't quit, I fired you.

No, it's too late I don't work here anymore.

Fine, let's try this again. You've got the job and now you're fired.

No, you offered me the job but I never accepted.

Look, I've already worked for you, it's very tedious.

And now you want me back I think it's a regressive career move.

Okay, what can we do to get you to come work for us?

A raise.

A raise?

$200 an hour.

200 an hour? Okay, prorated to this ten seconds you're gonna be working here so, 12 cents?

And this time I promise I won't quit.

You promise you won't quit. You promise you'll let me fire you.

If you still want to.

I'm sure I'm going to want to.

So, we have a deal?

Not yet.

I've already been an accountant here.

I feel like I've outgrown the position.

I want something higher. How about Junior Vice President?

Junior Vice President? $200 an hour or 12 cents whichever comes first...

...and you promise not to quit before I have the opportunity to fire you.

That's correct.

Great! You've got the job.

I accept.

Great! Now, you're fired.

You can't fire me, I'm Junior Vice President. I'm your boss.

Well, that doesn't make sense.

And as your boss, I regret that I have to fire you.

Why are you firing me?

Well, I can't help but notice that as head of personnel you've been hiring some very strange people lately,...

...at $200 an hour for me.

What am I supposed to do without a job?

Well, we do have a new position opening up in head of personnel.

Do you have any experience?